Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Being the Fat Girl Hooper
This has been conflicting me the last few days and I just wanted to talk about it with someone/thing. The other day, someone made a comment to me, "If hooping burns a lot of calories, why are you still fat? And you don't even look good doing it." One person even said, "I thought you were nice till you starting this hooping thing. Now I think you're weirder than shit."
I actually disagree. I think I looking freaking fantastic! But the thing is with hooping for 30 minutes a day, I can maintain 250 easy while eating like a pig. Now, when I stopped hooping as much, I went up to 274. 275 is like no-no zone. It's way too close for 300 for me. I feel like a success that I lost the 15 pounds (I'm now at 248) with hoopingdiet and I have successfully stayed away from 300 for 3 years.
Why hooping means so much to me even without the weight loss is that I know that it will prevent me from ever going to my highest weight. When I realized I was awfully close to the beginning, I upped my hooping practice. Example: I've only been hooping 20 minutes most days this month. I've ranged from okay eating to awful binging when I come home from work. I never got above 255. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even dipped into the 250s if I was doing 30 minutes or even 20 minutes everyday.
My goal since Thanksgiving has been to lose or maintain. Yes, I'd like to lose fast but I don't really care. It's what I'm calling passive weight loss. If it involves 1-2 months perfect and 1 month of not so perfect, awesome. Also, the biggest difference on my weight loss right now is that I'm keeping it a psuedo-secret. I'm not blasting it on facebook or even telling my family other than my husband. So, yes, I have lost weight hooping. And I've maintained weight loss with hooping. Hooping is my go-to cardio now. And this is the reason why I gave up a few years ago because the "weight wasn't coming off fast enough" or I didn't "look like I should." With this new mental change, I think it may help that mental platueu.
Is it horrible that I am not a perfect size 6? I've had others tell me that see me every day that my face has gotten thinner since October. None of my weight loss is noticeable. But I don't care because my clothes fit, my knee doesn't hurt anymore (like at 274) and no heartburn. And I really don't care or I didn't until someone made that comment. It's just bringing me down.
Hooping has given me friends. I honestly will say that I have friends now! I go outside and I feel more confident in life. I even called a gym the other day to see if I can teach there (no answer).
I think it also shows the type of people in the hooping community. They seem to be so welcoming no matter what your size and looks. I know I've helped quite a few people in the hooping community through my personal blog, my hooping.org articles, and various emails I've gotten from other hoopers. This one girl I've never met has listed me as her hooping momma because I inspired her!
Is this what the lady from Dances with Fat feels like? I have deep down worries that the reason that I'm not making any impact at all is because of my weight. Would various gyms let me teach if I was thin? Would people think it was cooler if I was skinny and in a bikini? Can I not do these tricks because of my weight? Is there something wrong with me?
I will tell you that I've always been weird. I come off wrong with a lot of people. I'm quirky and odd. My best friends growing up was my imaginary friends, I played with barbies till I was 15 (in hiding), I used to dance around at the top of the hill pretending I was going to be the next Brittany Spears, and I used to read tons of books. I'd dream of being in Harry's world or being Sara Crewe. I loved playing school cause I loved learning. School was the only place that I'd see other people than my family. If it wasn't for FCCLA and 4-H, I would have been a total hermit. I was an angry teen that listened to death metal except I also loved to help people. I was too bubbly to be gothic even though those type of people seemed to be the only ones that'd get my sense of humor.
I was doomed from the beginning. I asked John if hooping made me weird. He looked at me and laughed, "You were weird before that."